What if Jesus Said: “No Offense.”


The other day, my family was having a conversation at the dinner table, and we joked about what the Bible would sound like if Jesus had used the phrase, “no offense,” and other American attempts to keep people from getting upset by what he said.
Here are some of the “padded” Bible verses with some of Jesus’ more offensive statements.

  • “You brood of vipers. No offense, but who warned you to flee from the wrath to come?”
  • Let’s say hypothetically: if your foot causes you to sin, you should, hypothetically, cut it off.”
  • No offense, but you are of your father the devil, and your will is to do your father’s desires. He was a murderer from the beginning, and does not stand in truth, because the truth is not in him.
  • I won’t mention any names, but everyone who is angry with his brother will be liable to judgement; whoever insults his brother will be liable to the council; and whoever says, ‘You fool!’ will be liable to the hell of fire.”
  • No offense, but it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich person to enter the kingdom of God.”

These are just a few examples of how ridiculous it would be for Jesus to say “no offense.”  Hope you enjoyed this post! If you have any more ideas, please comment below.